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innocence.
sup.'

josie is this "cute" little fourteen year old girl everybody believes who always has a smiling mask on her face. she kisses the stars, makes a wish on 11:11 every night, and this particular special day, march the sixteenth. born in, living in, attending in, toronto ontario, a middle school, somewhere over the rainbow. she likes getting personal, she's one flirtacious short person , short as 4'8, one of the reasons she suffers from bipolar, paranoia, heartbreak, and several other illnesses. believes rainbow dinosaurs are real, has the most craziest friends ever, believes she's half icecream and whippedcream, likes being crazy, downtownerr, bisexual, a little too light as 72lbs , talks a lot, loves to interact, can't achieve anything higher than a seventy. work wonders with a camera, and therapy with other people, just not herself. loves photography and photoshopping, manipulations of course. she's also spazztastic & is proud of having a messed up smile.

11:11 ♥

money
♥ cute / fobby trucker hats
new contacts.
♥ striped shorts.
♥ oversized superman top. (:
discover who i want to be
black&white nikes.
♥ FOBBY long necklaces.
SLR camera
save up more more more money. (:
♥ lots of baggy hoodies
♥ black converse.

hearts talking.

mm, be right back . formspring hacked. :/

alternative exits.

andric arnie ani brenda breana bunny doll cecilia class 85 diana daniel eugene haley janet joyce kathy kevin khashi lea lei lee ann linda lisa mariam michelle tanallover teresa thinoba peiyi sally samiha shirley sung rachel reilly ryan timmy timmy valerie xinyi yuting zuzu

my days, not yours.

April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
September 2011

thank you.

editing; yours truly (:
basecodes; Kary-yan/Missyan.
hosts; x o x

Thursday, December 31, 2009

~__~

yeah..
(yn)

i hope i can wake up for tomorrow. :c


1:51 AM


Wednesday, December 30, 2009

lol.
everybody hates chris is looove.

"LOL it's back on"
cousins : damn. LOL x)


9:05 PM



you used to "love" this short person.


1:18 AM



oops.
i just totally noticed i forgot to post up my pictures.

WHOOPSHEES. (8



















this one here ? ^ shows the true meaning of imperfection and happiness combined together.
(:
there are more.. but now, i have to maple. c:
yeah, HAVE to.

...
he.. called teresa.
i have.. ... oh dear god.


12:09 AM


Tuesday, December 29, 2009

had a great night.
i'm still a little sick, sore throat, stuffy nose,

and i end up talking to jason for like 6 hours . (:
bwahahaha . ♥ it was fun.
MLIA is so funny . don`tcha agree ? ;)

"Today, I was sitting on the couch when my 21 year old brother comes out of his room dressed all in black. I opened my mouth to ask him what he was doing when he shushed me and whispered "I'm being a ninja.". He then sumersulted into the kitchen, grabbed the toaster, and quickly ran out the door. So many questions. MLIA"


I seriously could not stop laughing.


3:16 PM


Monday, December 28, 2009

love.
i don't take break-ups well.

did i take it well after i broke up with kevin?

no.
not at all.
i can't say anything,
but eventually
you will move on.
even
if
it
takes
centuries.

you will have to.

there are somethings i just can't mention during my break up.
just.
can't.

probably will.
when one day, i go
"oh wow, i can`t believe i was so stupid, and actually *insert secret parts here*
god. i was a dumbchild"

and you know what?
i'm not ready to say that.
i don't think i've moved on.
you claim you're better than him.
but you don't know who he really is.
don't judge a book by it's cover.

i don't know what to say.
it's cruel to be blunt and say
"MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE"

especially if i haven't even with mine.
i don't know what to do anymore.


11:47 PM



cleaning for about 3 hours?
hopefully to find the following objects

- accessoriess.


=================================

then,
shower for a long time, dress up, make myself pretty /OH HO HO
camwhore,
LEAVE TO GO TO CITYHALL W/ FRIENDS TO WAIT FOR THE NEW YEARS ! WHOO !


9:25 PM



i had a dream. it was after grad,
and like a party night,
and where timmy ticked me off so bad.
that i like, confessed and started spazzing that i didn`t like him.

and then everyone started to go against me
and then i made everyone go against him
and then while i was walking to michelle's house
this retarded hobo started talking to everyone, it was so weird and strange and while i was running in my dream, i fell off my bed.


11:31 AM



jordan (grayninja93) just asked me out.

...
"i'm dating solley"
"..."

.......
awkward.

tonight was live though.
except for this.
& aw oliver. ):


2:20 AM


Sunday, December 27, 2009

oh so mad.
FRICKING FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 38 IS SUBBED,
IN CHINESE

aw. fml.
times like this i wish I was born in vietnam / china / went to a proper chinese school.

FML.


6:24 PM



i love solley , alfred , & anthony.

solley: want to hear a knock knock joke?!
me: wait wait me first.
me: wait wait, actually I have a serious question to ask.. :c'
alfred & anthony & solley: OMG ARE YOU DYING?!! D8
me: no..
me: will you remember me today? c:
alfred & anthony; OHHHHHHHHH I KNOW THIS TRICKKKKKKK ;)
anthony: WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT SAY "WHOS THERE"
solley : wait wut
me: just answer. :c
solley: i will remember you always! SO HAH
me: don't worry, it's not the joke.. i pwomise.
me: are you 100% honest? :/
me: you'll remember me.. today?
solley: um. yeah.
anthony in the background repeating this over and over again: DO NOT SAY WHO'S THERE!! );
alfred: listen to anthony.
me: YOU GUYS ARE ASSES. I`M SERIOUS FOR A MOMENT. :C
alfred & anthony: oh.. :( WHATEVER STILL DONT SAY WHOS THERE!
solley: does today include tomorrow and the days after that? :)
me: nope, just today.. :)
solley: yeah. i will.
/anthony still going "DO NOT SAY WHO'S THERE"
me: okay.. good. ♥
me: oh hey.. i have a knock knock joke.
alfred: /face palm
anthony: DON`T SAY IT!
solley: IM NOT FALLING FOR EEEEEEETTTT !
me: CMON, ITS NOT THE FREAKING JOKESORS. >:C
solley: oh okay. :)
alfred & anthony: -silent-
me: knock knock
solley: who's there?
me: OH YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME.


solley & alfred & anthony : LOL , josie's pro. ♥
me: ikr ~ c:


aw.
i fucken love you guys. ♥

NICK !

josieeeee ♥ says (3:43 AM):
*Curiuosity killed the cat.
*Curiousity*
Nick says (3:43 AM):
*Thank god I'm not a cat.


LOL ♥
i love you.


3:43 AM



mah new awesome sexy layout
oh yes bby
you know you like it

took me three-four hours?
IN GAME NAO -heart-


12:39 AM


Saturday, December 26, 2009

i feel suicidal at the moment.


1:52 AM



so my dad could've possibly be cheating on my mom
it doesn't matter now anyway.

this is how i turned out.
"I don't know how to teach you the right and the wrong"

I have never disobeyed you mother.
NEVER.

You misunderstood many things.
You can't admit your fault.
I feel suicidal.
Nobody is there for me.
Not that I seek somebody to cry to.
I've always been independent.
All I know is, I'm packing up and leaving during the break.
I don't know where,
But anywhere is better than here.

Everyone is a lie.
Humans are such a pitiful creation.
This is why I feel amazing if someone is there for me.
Somebody was.
Somebody took that somebody away from me.
Then it happened again.
This is my life.

Somebody is always taken away from me.
I gain, and I give.

I am not selfish.
At least, I try not to be.
I can't trust anyone anymore.
Nobody.


12:00 AM


Friday, December 25, 2009

oh how i want to have the privilege to sleep over so fucking badly right now.

no wait.
that's every - day.



you can do this .


10:37 PM



/sigh.

i officially have a life .(:
yes this is me having a life , stfu.
seriously .
i don't know whether it's a good thing or not to be honest . (A)
kay , i feel a bit bitchy , so imma ' bitch on my blog .

vvell , today
Teresa, Angy, Calvin, Kevin, Jason and I were supposed to go to Mandarin.
It was closed.
so instead.. We went to Tom's restuarant .. thingy.. place. ! :)
so first , went to Teresa's house , until 3PM, hahaha. we were fiending off her swiss chocolate.
-insert heart here-
I've noticed whenever we make plans , it always changes somehow, last minute, yeah.

we had a fun time .. going to eat, ate stuff, then they went to my place.
206 pictures were taken today. :)

i'm uploading cammy whore pictures laterrrr.

---
Merry christmas.
:)

I loved it. /heart here
sorry cousins . (A)

&THANK YOU CECILIA.
YOU TOTALLY REMINDED ME THAT I HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO MULTIPLY.
HAHA, if you need more help furthermore, call meeeee ~


==========================================================
Teresa broke up with Chizuka this morning.

--
Dear Chizuka,
I am not the person to say this, but I will anyway.
Your ignorance and lies is what I believe drove Teresa away.
Mostly lies.

So you know what I say to that?
You've hurt her too much.
Too much.
If I would, I could.
I would scream in your face.
You know how painful it is to be deceived?
I suppose you don't.
At least, not yet anyway.

That "Yoru" thing?
That was a big deal.
You're a coward.
Cowards shouldn't deserve people like Teresa.

and, Chizaku?
You shouldn't be afraid of me.
You should be afraid of yourself. ♥


I will stick up for Teresa, no matter whoever hurts her.
always.



10:20 PM



i won't be sleeping tonight. ^^


4:07 AM



GROW.

And of course, it means after New years.
/sigh

I'm tired of being made fun of.
Tired of being used as an example.

GROW.
I don't even know what the average is for WEIGHT anymore.
I feel perfectly fine being skinny, but now I just think I weigh too little.
Oh possible reasons why i'm so short. :|

- Overdose of milk when I was a child.
Drank it every damn second of my life until I was seven.
No joke.

- LACK OF SLEEP.
like cmon. I have mandarin tomorrow, it's fucking 3:14AM.
but then, it could be my insomnia.


3:11 AM



I can't believe any of his words anymore.
I know you can, and I know this is really kind of just "scoff" to you,
but I just can't help but feel that little bit of doubt.
I don't trust him anymore.
I really don't.

I'm happy for you, but I'm scared at the same time.


3:04 AM


Thursday, December 24, 2009

human beings,
are disgusting.


7:24 PM



i hate people who don't believe in it.
i hate people who do.

...
i'm mental. i promise. :|

///////
people who play around with love, like it's a toy.
"oh thank you so much ! I'll cherish this forever and forever"
-few weeks later-
"I'm bored of it. There's a new one!"

-sigh-

It's not necessarily hate,
but it's a pet peeve.
I don't understand why the world can't be at justice.
I just don't understand.
What is love?

"Usually when you find your mate, you will see that they have a similar appearance to what you are used to"
"Boys like big boobs because self consciously they're thinking about their future child drinking out of them."

Tsch.
Everything is related to human science.
It's .. saddening.


7:19 PM


Wednesday, December 23, 2009

me, michelle , teresa, angy, and diana
were supposed to meet at approximately 1.

for skating , but then.. instead, angy & diana & I got lost, and we finally met at like..
2:30PM. T___T"
/sad.

so.. yeah... = n=''
we finally went skating, and we skated for like what?
fourty minutes --- brb


6:22 PM



yum cha with grandmum at like, 8-9?
eat for free ! 9 - 12ish?

12ish - blah
go skating w/ diana , angy, teresa. (:
& shop til we drop ! (sixty bucks, booyeah)

big day tomorrow.


12:21 AM


Monday, December 21, 2009

reminded me
we have to learn how to multiply integers AHAHA
-heart-

kay anyway

you know what i hate? ITS STILL CONFESSION DAY SO

"I'm serious this time.." <- Oh.. yeah... next time I'll be serious. :D

hm.
it's not what I hate.
it's not annoying, but in the end you only hurt yourself
and i'd hate to say
"I told you so."

and as well as
(not hate, but srsly. D: )

GORGEOUS PEOPLE DISAGREEING.
I HATE THAT.
COUGH.
CERTAIN EX-BITCH-DITCHER-TRAITOR'S GIRLFRIEND.

= n=
and shes back.

-heart-


8:24 PM



"it's .. dark toned"

fuck you


--
2012 was good. c:


5:42 PM


Sunday, December 20, 2009

i tried teasing my hair.. (failed)
put on my contacts, put a shit load of eyeliner on,
changed clothing, CAMWHORED !
got a new picture.
finished.
took off everything.

i love contacts. c:

idunno, i think.
contacts > glasses.

i look prettier. ; u;


4:59 PM


Saturday, December 19, 2009

"can you send a pic of joyce plz , i cant see forums"

Nick says (4:06 PM):
*So if you have sex, will you be crushed o_o
"can you send a pic of joyce plz , i cant see forums" says (4:06 PM):
*OOPS
*..
*WHAT THE HELL
*LOL
*AHAHA
*THAT MADE MY DAY
Nick says (4:06 PM):
*But..
*you would...
*Oh god
*I'd have a death on my hands
*errm, body
"can you send a pic of joyce plz , i cant see forums" says (4:07 PM):
*LOL WOW.
*uh.
*LOL
Nick says (4:08 PM):
*:D
*Get bigger
*so we can have
*slightly-safer sex
Nick says (4:06 PM) So if you have sex, will you be crushed o_o says (4:08 PM):
*LOLOOL
Nick says (4:08 PM):
*LOL
ohkay , i LOVE you guys. (:
-
OHEYHANNAHtigerpark ,
do you remember my password ? (:


4:11 PM



what a great way to start it.. not .. really sarcastic.

the dance was fun, the songs where everyone was jumping,
and there was like a long ass conga line. hehe
joanna & jenny came to "help" DJ :)

then me, kev, sammi, calvin, and stephen went to pmall.
Wheeeee.. ~ walking for like a shit loada long time.

The bus rides were more fun than the actual shopping trip.

LOL We were running like ninjars in the subway, hiding away from Timmy..
then in the end, we got off the bus and we saw eachother while walking.
*DAMN*

I need to tell him the truth, sooner or later.
BUT IT'S THE MUTHA'FUCKING HOLIDAYS BIATCH.

----------------------
Getting home.. I wanted to crash after blogging.. and eat my lovely pai gwut mai fun.. guess what the fuck happened?

Chyzu broke another promise again.
FUCKING. HELL.
I wanted to so kill him. So. fucking. badly.

&Then me and Teresa talked until like. midnight, on the phone.
I didn't eat. I was starving when I woke up.
I still feel so fucking shitty .
ENOUGH WITH THE DAMN FUCKING LIES.

God.

I crashed at like, 12, I fell asleep instantly.
..now.. talking to sundar.


11:51 AM


Thursday, December 17, 2009

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

1. LINDA'S SECRET SANTA GIFT FUCKING BROKE.
2. FUCK YOU , AND YOU.
3. DAMMIT IF WE STAYED LONGER AT QUEEN , WE COULD'VE WENT TO THE OLYMPIC TORCH THINGY. FHUUUUUUUUUUUUKING.

kay. so let me explain:

1. My mother has a weird ... obsession with buying gifts beforehand, so she had like about a million .. somewhere, anyway.
I asked her to get one because of Secret Santa.
IT WAS THIS REALLY NICE HEART PENDANT. so I was wrapping it this morning.. (she was like "I'll give it to you tomorrow, i'm too tired.)"

The heart like, broke.
(It wasn't glass either..)
It wasn't like felt or anything, I accidentally dropped it , WHILE I WAS SITTING ON THE FLOOR.
-twitch-
And then I was already late. My mom went out for work (because some coffee discount thing if you come early)

So I was like, SHIT.
I didn't want to give her something I already had.. -just me- I find it.. rude, like that I couldn't take the time to get her something. -_______-"

So then I decided to just buy her something at school.
Somebody took my money. -______-" [at home]

GOD.
FML. THIS ALWAYS FUCKING HAPPENS. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE ONE OF THE GIFTS I REALLY , REALLY LIKE. -__________________-"

So right now, I got her about three items.. I hope she likes it, I felt so guilty the whole damn afternoon.
I ruined the secret santa.
No, sorry is not just a fucking word. I mean it.



2. YOU piss me off.
"fucking, stop, i'm serious"
"i'm pissed off right now, leave me alone."

I don't understand what part of those terms you don't understand.
AND BY THE WAY, YOU CAN'T SING FOR SHIT.

and YOU have something against me.
i swear to god.
I SWEAR. TO. FUCKING. GOD.

I don't want to talk to neither of you tomorrow.


3. doesn't matter.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

My main concern is making up for the damage I caused.
Also:
THANK YOU TO CECILIA + YUTING C:
AND PEOPLE WHO SENT ME CANDY GRAMS!


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDAI'M SORRY LINDA.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

if you believe i don't really care, that's fine with me. no need to go : "you're such a faker".

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
nts:

Bianca - 82
Sally - 85
Rachel Luu - 85
Rachel Leung - 85
Linda - 85
Angy - 85
Cecilia Fung - 85
Yuting - 85
Claire - 85
Mariam - 86
Kevin Tieu - 86
Sammi - 83
Patcharida - 83



7:56 PM



i have to wake up in four hours.

fuck insomnia.
night world.




1:43 AM



she tries too hard.



duh, i'm a bitch. so what?


12:08 AM


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

wow..
looking back on our conversations..
i was a bitch.

kev, if you see this.
i'm sorry. :/

i .. don't know... what happened.
but i'm glad.

that i can finally move on. ^^

[in a good way of course]


11:42 PM



i will never forget that.


7:54 PM


Monday, December 14, 2009

god.
it pisses me off..


===
it takes my mom thirty minutes to bake one minute pasta.


9:41 PM



so i just came back from a .. decent regular school day ,
and from eatons w/ sammi, angy, and kev. (:

it was fuuuuuuun.
LOL jacked sammi's & kev's fries .
being broke ftw. = w=

we cammmmwhoooooooooooooredddd.
chyeah . ;)


idk..
i have to do media really badly now. ; n;


6:42 PM


Sunday, December 13, 2009

i couldn't answer that.
:|
...
AW SHIT. = n=
i make things too obvious.


5:42 PM


Saturday, December 12, 2009

what i want for christmas.
i have probably at least posted this damn same thing up over liek a million times but here's me being serious :
MONEY.
okay i will FOREVER want money when you dunnos what to get me.
kinda also questing for some HAIRDYE ,

i still want to cut my bangs / dye my hair like brownish blonde.

)X
i dislike having to retype over things ansd i feel like making a new layout LMFAOOO.
because its 11:30 , cousins are bickering ... ;)
but chyeaah, tired and bored, no fms )X
no flirting.
no nick.
no joyce.
no olives.
):


je ne sais pas .
j'ai retard .

:)
kay so srsly , - n- i'm really .. clueless.
time to make over like a billion tabs and start remaking a super sexy layout with a time limit for thirty nine .



11:30 PM



I WENT TO A KOREAN BARBEQUE ~~ (8)

kayso
today was carmen's bday *mycousin(:
and she treated her family to bbq :)


so lyk
we all went , it was SUPER YUH-MY. :D

and then we went to eatons , browsed around, bought yogurt C:

yummm
still kinda hungry
but kbbq fucking delish (:



9:23 PM


Friday, December 11, 2009

that wasn't really smart of me :/
sorry , i truly am .
i just get too caught up with other shit like , the other online drama .
i won't do it ever again , i promise .
i still want to be here for you.


kso,
i'm in the shittiest mood ever . (yay)
i am so sick of people calling me short, and making jokes .
even the short people do that. , [not shorter than me] probably taller by like two inches.
- -"

i know my below post is like , wtfcontradictial , but whatever. really.
i'm sick of it.
i'm also sick of YOU making jokes about me being short.
How would you like me to make jokes about you being fat?

GOD.
i need a therapist.

online life . (L)


5:28 PM


Thursday, December 10, 2009

but not cocky ones. (:

so we were discussing how short i am.

i never found it a problem.
i'm a person who does things, for herself.
i don't bandwagon..
at least consciously.

i'm starting to get a bit bothered by the comments.
idk why.
i've gone through this all my life.


7:03 PM


Tuesday, December 8, 2009

my grandmom is talking to herself.

i wish my wish would come true faster.


10:21 PM



on a day i dont have hmwk
i choose to come home.
:)

yesteradywazlyvvvvvv.

ummmmmmmmmm... kay


4:12 PM


Monday, December 7, 2009

abuse.

we're all used to it now.


7:02 PM


Sunday, December 6, 2009

kso
i was on the subway, and then i was sitting across from a person
SHE HAD A PULLIP DOLL ON HER LAP. it looked EXACTLY like her.
it was like, her hair was a can-can wig
she had a simple grey hoodie on,
a really cute like, striped grey top, a blue skirt with leggings,
oh my gosh she was so cute!

both the doll and her .
and she's living proof of how an asian looks good in blonde.
(:
i wanted to get a picture.. but i was too shy.. = n=
plus it was like yonge / queen right? so like so many peopleee and i'd have to be like , excuse mee , excuse mee , oh um can i have a picture of you? 8'D

LOL
so creeeeepyyyyy.
but srsly
omg she was sooooooooooooooooo cute.
(:


4:16 PM


Saturday, December 5, 2009

this made my night:
-Phil and I sit next to eachother-
Guy walks by: Hey, could you help me?

Phil decides to be amazingly generous and kind.

Guy: Great boyfriend you got there.
Me: ... -- We're not dating! XD;;
Guy: Lies! -poof-

LOL


2:18 AM


Friday, December 4, 2009

thanks for updating me teresa.

bwahaha
blogs really are helpful.


oh and
strawberry icecream
fucking delicious.


10:48 PM



Life Story. Part 1.
Requested by Ian, ages ago.

A 8lb pound baby was born on March 16, 1996, at 7:00PM.

Ever since I was about 8 months old,
I was being babysat, because my parents constantly had work.
She and her parents are still friends with my family to this day.
She is a role model of mine.
I was babysat until I was seven.
My grandmother occasionally took care of me, she came to my house when I was five.
--

The earliest memory I have.. I was 18 months. *I believe
I was holding a hand of a close friend's in a hospital. I don't remember his name, I don't remember his face, I just remembered that he seemed like an older brother to me. I don't remember his family either.
I remember his smile.
He died shortly after his third birthday.
He had leukemia.
I never found out, until my mother told me this.
Which was approximately a week ago.
Flashbacks came to my head.
Painful.


I was a smart and careful baby.
I was potty-trained at 18 months, I had my first steps at 9 months, as well as my first words.
(According to my mother.)
I would almost never trip or fall while walking, I would be very careful and hold onto anything tightly.
(This does not apply to my present. @__@")

Being born in an Asian family, I wouldn't have suspected that would be such a big accomplishment.
I was dealing with a lot of things at a very early age.
A crippled grandmother, a smoking father, and a stressed out mother, and of course:
Abuse.
It all became too common to me.

If you were to misbehave, or to bring home anything but straight A's from the school.
You would be abused.
And it's not something as simple as a slap on the hand, or on the face, or a spank on the butt.
You would be literally, hit with a large and thick stick made out of bamboo, pretty much, everywhere on your body.
I had several bruises that lasted for about three years.
My self esteem was damaged.
I was still young, little did I know, that pain does not compare to anything else I've recently experienced.
Of course, being little and being unaware of the things revolving around you, I could not be sad or mad for long. I don't think any child under the age of five would be.

I had been abused for 10 years.
ten.
Of course, I got over it.
And I hadn't learned that child-abuse was illegal.

I was three years old. I knew how to ride a two-wheeler.
I felt so proud after trying so hard. (several weeks / a few months)
I felt great. It was an amazing feeling.
I would always ride my bike whenever it was nice outside.

Grade one.
I met a very close friend, and still close to this day.
Her name is Susanna.
I met several others, but she was the one that made me happy when I was sad.
She was kind, and generous, and forgiving.
(We are both Chinese, so she would understand me the most, out of everyone else in my class)
almost everything.

I met a friend. Not a regular friend.
I told him I loved him.
He told me he loved me.
I believed him.

He took my hand when I fell down, he defended me when the other boys would laugh,
he was my hero.
He was my first kiss.
He left in grade three.

I met this other particular person in grade two, as you may all know.
She's a close friend of Susanna,
Her name is Mariam.
By then. I really thought, Susanna and Mariam would be my best friends forever.

In grade three, he left and went to Singapore. (I think. I don't remember quite clearly.)
I didn't really care anymore. He was.. just a friend at that point.

There's this one other person that changed my life.
He was "hot, cute, sweet, nice". Every girl in my class had a crush on him.
I could not believe him. He was nice and all, but he was a player, he used girls.
Or at least, that's what I thought.
I considered him as a friend, I got pretty annoyed how girls would cling onto him like that.
There were always rumors about how he would be dating this girl, and kissing that girl, like a cheater.
I had no emotions for him, so I couldn't care less.
I kind of felt sorry for him though.
His life wasn't as easy as anybody else's.. as well as, I thought it was worst than mine.
Oh as well, none of my "girl-friends" approved of me hanging out with him.
He is dumb.

Grade four was a living hell. I'm not freaking kidding.
There was a rumor where I wrote a love note, destroyed my whole life. @__@
I started crushing on him.
And again,
I could truely depend on Susanna and Mariam.
They made me get through my whole life. ♥
I was being teased. I didn't REALLY care. but..

Grade five.
Went by fast.
I met this one dude, "Zack".
that kindah' made me think about life.

and Alex.

Oh.
I was dating Nick.
.. for lots of times.

Grade six.
This was.. shit. But it made me count my blessings.
I met Amy.
Amy.
My best friend.
Forever.
She didn't exactly have a good "reputation".
Apparently, I did.

We left rose here..
Oh, and Nick left me.

Love was nothing more than three words at that point.


4:28 PM



arms dieed.
)X

really bad interview. :/
mom keeps repeating same questions.
im blind for about 3 hours, im like..nearsighted right now. D:

my black pupil is huge.
lol eyedrops


1:50 PM



teresa-chan . :/

i demand to get to the fucking' bottom of this .

=============================================

it's 9:52.
eight minutes away from heading out for my interview,
i haven't even changed yet. /sigh

i was making this layout last night.
no this doesn't interpret that i'm lesbian.
first picture: i've been hurt once.
second picture: i thought you were the one.
third picture: i guess i was wrong.
fourth picture: at least i have my friends to be there for me.

friends > love. forever.

kay now i'm being lectured, so i have to stop this blogpost and go. -.-"


9:51 AM


Thursday, December 3, 2009

today
not such a great day
i hurt myself

so my finger really hurts
dont want to type
checking you guys blog
wow its hot in here

10:34 PM


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

not what.
who.
friends.

btw.
report card.
shit.

...
i don't want to go to facebook. :/


4:41 PM



bi .

and holy shit ,
he's bi too.


7:50 AM